Dating Lies

Dating lies, how do you tell your family how you REALLY met?

Recently I went on a few dates with this guy I met online, from www.match.com.  We were going to meet where he races motorcycles.  His friends and father were going to be there.  Apparently he told his dad we met in a BAR.  Yup, a bar.  Nothing wrong with that except that we DIDN'T meet in a bar.  I don't even go to bars.  (Okay so in my adult life I've gone bar hopping ONE time and to a bar with other friends another time.  I'm not into bars.  I don't really drink.  As of this date, I haven't had any alcohol since FEBRUARY.  Yup, I don't really care for alcohol...)  Anyways I'm annoyed and started thinking, why would he lie to his dad about how he met me?  I did ask him and he told me his parents aren't into the online dating thing.

Online dating CAN be scary.  Yes I started online dating back in circa 2002.  I was safe and careful not to expose too much personal information about myself online before I was ready to commit.  And to be honest, it can't be any scarier than meeting someone in person.  People lie in both situations.  Often you can tell if someone is lying to you if you watch carefully.  The best part about online dating is that you can keep a written record of what was said!  This helps with keeping lies out of the potential relationship.

So back to the lie about how we met.  If he had thought about it, the better way to say we met was at a coffee shop. Yes the very first time I saw him in person was in a coffee shop.  Yup, not a lie!  I would have been better off if he told his dad we met in a coffee shop.  Yes still a small lie however it is WAY closer to the truth than a bar.  The better thing would have been if he had talked to me about how we'd present it to our parents and how we'd say we met.  It was an off chance of meeting his dad however lying is never really a fantastic option.

I'd rather tell my parents, who are now used to me doing the online dating thing, that I met the guy from www.match.com or www.eharmony.com or whatever other site there is out there.  I think the truth is better and the less lies you have to use to cover up the first lie.

Ir really bothered me he couldn't tell his dad the truth and I didn't really want to be with him.  After being with him the last day, I didn't really want to see him again.  Turns out it was mutual.  However when he asked to be friends, I told him:  well if you don't want to make time to talk to me when we're trying to date, how is that going to work if we're friends?  Yah, let's just say he didn't really care for that comment and ended up trying to say how he was friends with everyone and validating himself.  *insert lame expression while reading his rant*  I didn't mean to take a chunk out of his ego, but I had to laugh....  I just wanted to throw out the logical comment and see how he thought of it, no malicious intent.  So it goes to show it wasn't a great match and I'm better off.

I've seen friends get married to their spouse who they had met ONLINE!  It's amazing how people can connect and date.  I've made lots of friends from online.  I don't see anything wrong with it.  I think more people are honest than they are deceitful.  But that could be my experiences.  I've always trust my instincts before I meet a guy.  I felt it may not be a good idea to meet the last one but I took the plunge and did it anyways.  Turns out my instincts were correct.  But learned a lesson and sometimes you have to take a chance because you never know if you're just being overly protective of your feelings.

I met another guy online earlier this year.  He told me he had gotten arrested, after we went on our first date.  He was arrested for DWI.  He told me he was arrest for reckless driving, he took an ambien.  Both mean the same thing however the charges end up being different when the toxicology report comes in.  He learned his lesson, or at least that's what he told me.  I got a hold of the police report and read it.  Turns out the police officer specifically wrote in his report:  I smelled alcohol on his person....  This didn't make me feel really happy and I was very annoyed with the lie this guy told me.  I quickly blocked his phone number and his profile from the dating site.  Don't lie to me.  I will and can find out the truth, it's called public records.

In all, I think that 99.99% of lies really end up screwing you over more than telling the truth.  The only time you should lie is when you're a guy and trying to propose to your girlfriend/boyfriend.  Yah that's the only time a lie will really be forgiven, maybe.  But if you feel that you HAVE to lie, try to keep it as close to the truth as possible.  But don't forget, there are TONS of tools now to find out if you are telling the truth or not.  Better not run into someone who actually researches you and makes sure you're telling the truth.

Until next time, stay smart and beautiful!

~M.J.


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